walkedwakes

Art of Leaving ..

2011-12-04T00:33:00.000-08:00

the sound of the wind as it passes by , the leaves falling on me from the trees there ,where i used to sit , with the sweet pain of love , like on a high , but a quiet inward one at that . Imagining her and me , where the music used to come from somewhere unknown , and the whole vicinity did not have any realism or sense than my love .. Like a feather collector would collect all the feathers from the woods without the bird knowing and then relish them by keep looking at it, i used to collect some light that radiated from her , without her knowing , and then , silently by the golden light of the evening , relish them by remembering .

Noone knew what i was .. my face never used to show , my expressions used to be quiet , even while implosions occured . Weighing the wrights and wrongs , distances and proximities everything seemed unpractical . The evenings had all become the same when my musical unrealistic imagination was mixed with the realizations . Then , i had wanted to forget , to erase , to get rid of my addiction , forget the evenings and then throw away all the feathers in some storm ..

Looking for ways , waiting for the storm , days had passed .. No ways were still found , and the jars of light still were there on the floors .. like they did not break even after they were smashed .
Even now she didnt know of my existence , of her rays that were trapped in me , rather than setting out on the universal journey to another realm .

Love that i wanted to leave , had taken over me , my consciousness , and i had figured out the way .. i wud hand over my love to where it came , to herself . Then she would throw it away , for she did not value it . Not all people have to try so hard for it and she was one of them .

She came and i had told her i loved her . My face was still the same . Her expressions showed , she never knew , neither she had expected . Then without a word she had left .. And i dont know , when i had given her what i had , she had received it with her hands or did it fall on the floor and still i dont know . But i knew , some thing had left me at that moment . I left ..

Door .

2011-08-21T00:18:00.001-07:00

Everything had seemed like a metal door shut in front in of me , there was no where to go than through the circle of rope hanging from the top . All i wanted to know more is how everyone wud feel after i am gone . Whether , they wud actually cry , and whether they really cared . As a streak of light and no body i wud be able to see everyone , how they respond and i wud know the truth , and yes , this is the best way possible .
The pain when my neck was strangling , i bore it , only because on the other side of my visible world , i wud know all the truth . And that kept my hand and my reflexes away . Like that I had slid into the other world , the world of the dead .
Here there are so many people , people like me who are trying to know the truth . Its been a few moments , now , since i have reached here . Its true , i have become a streak of light , invisible i might be to people who have bodies . Now is my time , to know the truth , people might have found out i am gone , it is almost time . I had been taken to this place by someone , and had told this Door is the frontier , On the side lies the world with the bodies , where i want to go now and know all i wanted to know . I have been waiting here for some time , a few moments . And i have heard when i was alive , here in the other world , years pass like seconds .. I have been waiting for some minutes , the door is still Shut ..

maniac ..

2010-11-04T10:32:00.000-07:00

the hiss outside the window , the only thing that reaches my ears right now , seems like they are all screaming ,but why is it that i cant hear them , i had felt like she hadnt spoke too , i cud see her face strained , her face like that i hadnt seen before , really beautiful , the song she first sang for me was the one that i was hearing , "MANIAC" , where did that word flew from to my ears ? Through the windows , blurred , as i am seeing it , from the other side , palms , shadows of 'em falling repeatedly .. but her face , beautiful again , but different from the strained pose , everything about her had been cute and graceful , from her first look of promise , the way she used to close her eyes when they came too close to mine , those cheeks which used to turn red upon laughing too much , the way she held my hand and smiled when the people across the streets stared at my scars , the glitter of her tears as she cried , the way her blood used to drain out from the cuts i made , her frightened face , i was in love at her everything .. still the song that she sung for me at college was streaming through me .. Everday i wanted to explore new about my love , i had felt there are so many more things bout her , more beautiful than anything i have seen , it did never used to hurt i believe , or she could have left .. but she didnt , somebody was telling her few days back , i heard faintly "Go AWAY " , then also that word had struck me from somewhere .. MANIAC .. But she had stayed .. From the cheeks of hers last night , this idea had come up , the beautiful red , i wanted to see her in red , its beauty , She had been lookin pretty with her hair cut short , the night i had watched her scared face for the first time and i fell in deeper love , now this wud be better i had supposed .. n here she is lyin to my front down near where i am sitting ,, in red ,, my hands and the knife also held her blood now , but they looked weird , but she is something apart , like the eyes of a pigeon , her eyes had turned thick red , her skin a pale blue, my heart is growing heavier due to the love for her ..

Just as when i felt like i cant stop lookin at her , the song halted .. Now the 'word' was flying around me in dozens , hittin my face and ears hardly , up and around , inside me and like a beetle that had entered my brain , it was cutting through , the doors were shattering behind and somewhere inside me .. A moment later a doubt was roaming around through me ... the dreaded one like ... did she call me before i had placed my knife , my love , on her jus few moments back ,... did she actually call me ... maniac ? ? ...

I'll be there...

2010-03-13T19:05:00.000-08:00

10 years.. These leafs which are spread here dry n pale reminding of the rains which once used to drench them n the soil here,rain of laughters , rain of love, n the rain of memories which seems to be fallin now.. The million moments that i still owe to this place have transformed into what i call my mind now..a belief ,a realization rather was startin to descent that i still belong to this place..I might be crossing myself through these paths ...there is no heat to the sunshine here still..
N the place where somebody robbed my heart.. Where we used to sit watchin the endless love of the sky n the clouds... listening to the song of the rain with its little sadness ,maybe because it knew that the rains too wud stop fallin n fly away as fumes...
N the place where i used to live..the place which still laughs ,not beacause its always happy,but doesnt know how to cry...child ,they still seem to be calling me.. The corners still untouched n the many laughters still can be heard.... The walls here still hold our thoughts .. they said we never used to think, but those were the only times we actually did.. only times we could cry out because we had somebody who wanted us not to cry.. only times we used to laugh..unconcerned , n never searched for reasons to do so... My life now has become a life of reasons ,not mine anymore,what i do now is find reasons n not live...
One of the writings there read "we'll return".. Rememberance of the day..farewell ..... The sad songs that everyone sung.. The hydrogen ballons that were raring to go up.. "alvida" it read on the backfall of the stage.. The hands that were on somebody else's shoulders..Pairs of eyes that met n the lil tears that never ran down ... the words "i'll miss GEC" being said again n agian... the farewell video that was playin.. n hopes that the sun shall not rise this night.. I was standin on the stage n i remember my words."10 years from now ,i'll be here at the same place..lets c how many of u remember this .. no reminders wud be set , no programs wud be arranged ..jus lets c who all would keep this in ur heart n return here 10 years from now..."
N i am here ... I have kept myself alive on this thought n i am waiting .. I find myself happy
now though i was the only person here now.. But definitely am not alone i know.. I cant be alone here actually.. i can feel myself here n all of u.. But i hope to see you all here this day ...N i know the day is not done yet.. I am smiling now n i can hear the footsteps there from my back.....

walk till the haze..

2010-02-04T00:55:00.000-08:00

No truth remains ..
and no faith that used to force...

I shall remain among these shadows ...
that makes me unseen

Strangers are what we were ..
and that is what we have become...
The crowd is where i stood ...
and so do i remain....

Among this chain of stills that surrounds...
remove these truths and which never were...
remove this light from me... and thus my insignificance...

There is no heat of the belief now...
which was to be lost i knew...

I shall drag my longer shadows....
across this loneliness that is crowding around me...

This is the way now...
this walk till the haze...

locked..

2008-10-19T09:14:00.000-07:00

I was jumping,up and down,not stopping at anything,just jumping..I did never get tired.I waved my hands and yelled as i jumped.Nobody would think i was mad,n u know why,i was small and i was a child.The strong breeze before the rains during the evenings,with everything around and inside me dancing with the wind,that was the thing i loved the most and that was the purest love i have ever had.I used to come out of our sweet old house,to the open frontyard with many trees,the trees which made me jump as they played with the strong wind.They were dancing too,i had felt in my small conscience.....and i would be jumping as the rains would arrive......Those were great days,the days where i had to care about nothing n everything that i did ,was safe inside the 'ignorance' of childhood..
I used to look at my shadow a lot,when i was a child.I liked the way it was tall in the morning,becoming shorter by noon,growing taller but duller towards the evening and gradually dying out with the dying sun.I found no reason but it made me very happy,jus the sight of my shadow.i looked at my shadow when i ran, when i walked and whenever sunlight used to fall...on me..I loved the way my shadow's hair flew back when i ran..n many 'childish' things abt my shadow...
But now i have grown up n many things i have realized...and among these numerous realizations, one of them concerns my old friend...That being happy when someone sees his shadow ,doesnt seem "scientific" or doesnt make "sense"...These days have blinded me with its raging lights,i am blinded of my friend who still walks with me...may be unaware that i dont care for 'it' anymore...n my old friend doesnt make me happy anymore..In a way we all share the same misery ,deadlocked in consciousness, in many ways .....And we are held by time, cant run away from this flow....N i too walk with the crowd now,unaware of the turns ahead,not deserving relent,conscious but about things i dont know....tied by these relisations...........

raining.....

2008-06-21T21:42:00.000-07:00

The electric bulbs were getting to their day'swork as the redness of the sunshine after getting to it's peak had started to slowly give way tothe dreaded dark......the yellow eyes were peeking through the greenerywhich was no longer green-ly visible.the leaves which used to droop off during this time of the day was to my astonishment perfectly alive,they were swaying,tickling with each other, was laughing and with great amusement at that.they seemed to be melting to that beautiful melody of the slow wind which was slowly picking up.the lights too seemed to be dancing,they were flickering..the groans of the doors and the window panes were joining the chorus.....
The sky has been so beautiful these days,had a full array of stars to exhibit,and that sweet moonlight,just inexplicable beauty she has been.... buty today,the scene was different,a dark veil,darkest of these days has been hanging around and had started to descent....

The clouds were coming ......their grudge had been growing somewhere in the southern seas for some time now..the glares were all around and the drums were beating in perfect unison with their advance...the bulbs seemed to be too feeble for the cause and gave it away.it was perfectly natural or 'super'natural now....nature was in one of its most mystical states now.the intruders were approaching......the kingdom of the night was for the taking...
The moon was no longer the conman of the night sky... there was a pale brightness to the sky..but no stars ,nor the moonlight.He was being buried into the mistery of the fume.the moon dwindled as the intruders carved in from its sides...the trees, as dark figures were they seen in the mystical luminiscence of those clouds ,were swaying in all possible directions as if doing whatever they can to dissuade the dire intuders..

i was but enjoying all the drama nature had to 0ffer then.the rain had started to pour down,and the ambience seemed to be belonging to different dynasty now.....and the rainy season had started...and it was much needed too....the news of farmer's miseries and the numerous deaths were all over the televisions....i could see all the green fields on one side of my house dancing with the rain in some synchronization .it ws a beautiful site...it was getting dark by the minute....but the pale flourescence of the clouds still enabled me to keep a sight of the excited paddy field through the window of which only one pane had been opened...the old glasses of the other panes were constantly being blurred by the heavy downpour...the diffused droplets formed by bigger ones hitting the window frames were pampering my face..and i liked it.......

the electricity hadnot been restored and i never wanted it to be..the lamps had been litted and somebody was bringing one of them my room....the yellow light was mixing the dark in decreasing proportions moving away from the flickering flame....time was just and it was time for sleep....my bed was near to the window...i just lied down and i could still feel the droplets...my heart was full and i could not afford anything other than the beauty i had been witnessing...my eyes were drooping...but never my mind....i was going to another place where i would never have to wait for seasons ........

zope everywhere.....

2008-06-19T21:25:00.000-07:00

It was during the later part of april when we ,a group of five, were assigned the task of porting Zope2(a web application server)originally written in python 2.4 t0 python 2.5...It came as a part of us applying to the much popular and coveted google SOC(summer of code).

As we had to be,were very excited with the task at hand.We knew it would be a great learning experience and could provide the exposure ,we as software engineering students would want...And we were into the flow of events from the starting of may,when we had our summer vaccation at the college...we spend the month of may on this project,and it has been very fruitful to all five us.we had come into contact with some established names of this field,and we hv been gaining many things from them,particularly Sidnei da silva our mentor on this project from Brazil and Baiju sir.
We have all ready made two checkin-s to the Zope trunk.And our project is going along nicely and are very hopefull about the succession of events.A major part of this credit has to go to ranjith ,the leader of our group,who has been working day in and day out.
A big thanx should also go to google ,for entrusting this oppurtunity to us,and nothing could have been more valuable for us...